Thursday, November 03, 2005
A mystery?
A REAL mystery of life...
Um, so today I was at work, bored, standing around wishing I was one of those peppy people with get-up-and-go in the morning. But the morning is so, so stupid. I decided to see what was in my pockets. When you wear the same pair of pants four days in a row (at least...) you tend to accumulate stuff. There were several receipts in my pocket. Funny thing, they weren't mine. Or Maggie's. They seem to belong to a North Austin resident.
So: if you or someone you know purchased a large veggie sub from thundercloud subs on October 29 at 11:23 and paid cash and spent $5.40 on a visa card (check card, maybe) at Jason's Deli 10225 Research on October 27, I have your receipts.
I am wondering: how did I get the receipts of another? I suppose I could have picked them up and put them in my pocket for reasons that are unclear to me, and then promptly forgotten that I had done so. Or, in a more sinister vein, someone could have put them in my pocket. Most likely while I was wearing the pants. Someone is trying to get into my pants! And the vehicle they chose were receipts! But this makes little sense also. What could the motivation be for me picking up receipts or for someone slipping them into my front left pocket? I do not know. I am mystified.
There is, of course, a third possibility. A ghost did it. A ghost put someone else's receipts in my pocket. Ghosts' actions and reasons are surely murky and most difficult for the living to interpret. What outcomes are hoped and plotted towards within their unkowable minds? What strange machinations are set in motion in their wake? To what end do these phantasmagorical masterminds strive? What plot? What purpose? What drive? I, in the land of the living, with my non-ectoplasmic form and mind, cannot say. To the automatic writing device! Let us speak plainly to the dead and pray they speak the same to us! There! Near the window! An ethereal hand that hovers, wavers by some unfelt breeze! In its fingers are receipts for purchase we did not make! Will we tally the payments and find our checkbooks unbalanced? On the floor, calculator, pencil, scrap-paper, checkbook scattered about, tallying the totals and totaling the tally over and over, trying to figure out where the money went. What is this discrepancy? It seems about the price of two sandwiches, but I cannot be sure...
The spectral vision aside, if you have any information about these receipts, please let me know. I am haunted; I am mad. I must know!
Um, so today I was at work, bored, standing around wishing I was one of those peppy people with get-up-and-go in the morning. But the morning is so, so stupid. I decided to see what was in my pockets. When you wear the same pair of pants four days in a row (at least...) you tend to accumulate stuff. There were several receipts in my pocket. Funny thing, they weren't mine. Or Maggie's. They seem to belong to a North Austin resident.
So: if you or someone you know purchased a large veggie sub from thundercloud subs on October 29 at 11:23 and paid cash and spent $5.40 on a visa card (check card, maybe) at Jason's Deli 10225 Research on October 27, I have your receipts.
I am wondering: how did I get the receipts of another? I suppose I could have picked them up and put them in my pocket for reasons that are unclear to me, and then promptly forgotten that I had done so. Or, in a more sinister vein, someone could have put them in my pocket. Most likely while I was wearing the pants. Someone is trying to get into my pants! And the vehicle they chose were receipts! But this makes little sense also. What could the motivation be for me picking up receipts or for someone slipping them into my front left pocket? I do not know. I am mystified.
There is, of course, a third possibility. A ghost did it. A ghost put someone else's receipts in my pocket. Ghosts' actions and reasons are surely murky and most difficult for the living to interpret. What outcomes are hoped and plotted towards within their unkowable minds? What strange machinations are set in motion in their wake? To what end do these phantasmagorical masterminds strive? What plot? What purpose? What drive? I, in the land of the living, with my non-ectoplasmic form and mind, cannot say. To the automatic writing device! Let us speak plainly to the dead and pray they speak the same to us! There! Near the window! An ethereal hand that hovers, wavers by some unfelt breeze! In its fingers are receipts for purchase we did not make! Will we tally the payments and find our checkbooks unbalanced? On the floor, calculator, pencil, scrap-paper, checkbook scattered about, tallying the totals and totaling the tally over and over, trying to figure out where the money went. What is this discrepancy? It seems about the price of two sandwiches, but I cannot be sure...
The spectral vision aside, if you have any information about these receipts, please let me know. I am haunted; I am mad. I must know!
# posted by Michael : 9:08 PM
Comments:
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Whoa, this is indeed a mystery of unparalleled proportions. To delve into this mystery, I am going to take the Sherlock Holmes approach, and say that if we eliminate all of what COULD NOT have been, we will be left with the truth. (Maybe this is the Spock approach...or maybe it’s the Spock emulating Sherlock approach...whatever the truth, it’s what I’m going to take!)
First of all, since I do not believe a ghost could have put them in your pants pockets (for, the receipts would surely fall thru a ghosts fingers), I am going to say that those receipts were left in your pockets by none other than the perpetrator. Having said this, unless you were unconscious on the day of October 27th, I do not think the perp could have slid them into your front pocket without you at least being vaguely aware of it. SO!
FACT #1: Unknown person was wearing your pants on the 27th of October.
Now, the mystery has shifted it’s focus. We must now try to figure out how this person got your pants, and wore them, and returned them all before you started your long streak of wearing them. Perhaps they were snatched out of a public washer or dryer? But, I thought I noticed you guys had your own washer/dryer at your apartment. Did you wear these pants out to a party and change into a costume somewhere outside your place? Maybe somebody borrowed them for their very own costume? I need more information about your whereabouts and what pants you wore near that dreadful day!
One thing is for sure: KEEP THOSE RECEIPTS SAFE! They may be of use in the future! We will track this person down! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!!
First of all, since I do not believe a ghost could have put them in your pants pockets (for, the receipts would surely fall thru a ghosts fingers), I am going to say that those receipts were left in your pockets by none other than the perpetrator. Having said this, unless you were unconscious on the day of October 27th, I do not think the perp could have slid them into your front pocket without you at least being vaguely aware of it. SO!
FACT #1: Unknown person was wearing your pants on the 27th of October.
Now, the mystery has shifted it’s focus. We must now try to figure out how this person got your pants, and wore them, and returned them all before you started your long streak of wearing them. Perhaps they were snatched out of a public washer or dryer? But, I thought I noticed you guys had your own washer/dryer at your apartment. Did you wear these pants out to a party and change into a costume somewhere outside your place? Maybe somebody borrowed them for their very own costume? I need more information about your whereabouts and what pants you wore near that dreadful day!
One thing is for sure: KEEP THOSE RECEIPTS SAFE! They may be of use in the future! We will track this person down! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!!
Well, one of the receipts was for the 29th, as well. And I didn't wear the pants to a party and then change. And when I'm not wearing the pants, they're safely stored on the floor. *Gasp* If your theory about someone wearing my pants is true, they would have had to have gotten them while I was sleeping!
Wait! Do the receipts have the Year printed on them? Because, they may be from *next* year. This happened to me once. I met this guy who swore he knew me, but I'd never met him before! Finally, I realized that I must have met him sometime later on, and that while he could apparently remember the future (or travel backwards in time), I could not. So, it may be that you simply acquired these receipts sometime next year, or even later. I have a feeling that this is the answer.
I'm sorry, but I have to go along with theory number 2. Clearly someone is attempting to infiltrate your pants, perhaps with the aspiration to one day where your pants, though it is obvious that they have not yet done so. As far as possible motives go, I suspect it is connected to the wearing of your pants for several days in a row. Receipts are not the only things to accumulate over time. My guess is that some sort of super antitode has developed in the lining of your pocket and you are dealing with a mobster from Kirzbekistan who wants to prevent the serum from being discovered by the world at large as part of an overarching master plot to harness the power of the bird flu in order to destroy the planet Venus. It's all right there, so obvious. Yet devious.
unrelated comment, but i have to say that this 'from a balloon, over a wide sea' is really nice. i don't think i complimented it when it was posted.
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